Bedknobs and Broomsticks and Broomclosets

Yes, I am in the broomcloset. At least as far as my family is concerned. They know I don't go to church anymore but that is about it. (Unless they have found my web page!)

I don't know how or if I will ever tell them otherwise. Hell, my family doesn't even know I smoke!! (Well, my brother knows I smoke, but I'm scared to tell him about Wicca. He might tell Mom and Dad. He isn't good with secrets.) Is it because I'm ashamed? I don't think so. They may be able to make me feel ashamed, but I'm happy with who I am (except being currently jobless). My brother, well, he is pretty open minded, but I don't think he would understand this. At least not at first, and it may take a while to be able to instruct him that I'm not evil. Is it because I'm worried about being disowned? Possibly. My parents are my stability right now. Honestly, in our situation right now, (jobless) we wouldn't be able to survive without their help. Upsetting them at this time could be painful and detrimental. At the same time, even if we were comfortable financially, I wouldn't exactly jump at the chance to tell them. They have been strict Catholics their entire lives and they might see me as a failure. Maybe once we are all old and gray, I would consider it again, but for the time being, at least till my child(ren) graduates, I don't want to risk it. It sounds pathetic, and it probably is, but that's how I feel about my family.

On the other hand, I told most of my friends. One friend, a catholic, rolled with the punches and has no problem with it. I'm in the Society for Creative Anachronism and she has always considered me weird. But in a good way! This is just another aspect of me, and she likes me, it hasn't changed me, so it must be okay! At the same time, I have another friend (the three of us were roomies back in college) who is very freaked out about it and refuses to even talk about it. I am working on educating her and my first friend is willing to talk to her from a Catholic's stand point. We can hope that she can open her mind a little eventually and be able to learn about it without judging or fearing for my and her "soul". Time will tell, on that aspect.

Strangely enough, her beliefs are not that far different from some pagans that I know. She said "this church started out as Living Water Ranch Church... their church was on a ranch in nature... they baptize people in a pool of water and believe in communing with nature and being in God's creation and reveling in it They also believe in healing and I would guess what many would call magic... I have seen it performed on people who had no afilliation with the church other than being friends of people in the church... and it really worked!" I told her that doesn't sound so different from my beliefs, except that I don't believe in the exact same God, but what could be considered aspects of Him. And she replied "Thats what I am learning and am scared of and excited all at once... This is a very different kind of church... they say that they are christian but a different kind of christian... nondenominational... and use the spirit... they are ANTI pagan, but do things that are pagan just under a different name... again I think it is the connotation that goes with the word. Pagan has bad connotations for me."
I was telling this to an online friend, and she said that this Church sounds like another Waco thing!! Oh dear. Anyway, I told her it is very close to being the same. Very very close. But that scares her.

I seem to have gotten off topic and gone off on a tangent. Well, as I look at the topic questions, I guess I'm not that far off topic. I guess I just told a story that has related to me coming out of the broomcloset with my friends. It gave this topic a little more depth, because I wasn't sure what all I was going to talk about. I just sat down this morning and started writing. I'm home waiting for job calls, so I can't be online and I figured, what the hell. Start playing with this idea, and well, here it is!!

Brightest Blessings!