When No Words Seem Appropriate

 	I won't say, "I know how you feel" - because I don't.
 I've lost parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and friends,
 but I've never lost a child. So how can I say I know how
 you feel?
 
	I won't say, "You'll get over it" - because you won't.
 Life will have to go on. The washing, cooking, cleaning,
 the common routine. These chores will take your mind off
 your loved one, but the hurt will still be there.
 
	I won't say, "Your other children will be a comfort to
 you" - because they may not be. Many mothers I've talked to
 say that after they have lost a child, they easily lose
 their temper with their remaining children. Some even feel
 resentful that they're alive and healthy when the other
 child is not.

	I won't say, "Never mind, you're young enough to have
 another baby" - because that won't help. A new baby cannot
 replace the one that you've lost. A new baby will fill your
 hours, keep you busy, give you sleepless nights. But it
 will not replace the one you've lost.
 
	You may hear all these platitudes from your friends and
 relatives. They think they are helping. They don't know
 what else to say. You will find out who your true friends
 are at this time Many will avoid you because they can't
 face you. Others will talk about the weather, the holidays
 and the school concert but never about how you're coping.
 
	So what will I say?
 	
	I will say, "I'm here. I care. Anytime. Anywhere." I
 will talk about your loved one. We'll laugh about the good
 memories. I won't mind how long you grieve. I won't tell
 you to pull yourself together.

 	No, I don't know how you feel - but with sharing,
 perhaps I will learn a little of what you are going through.
 And perhaps you'll feel comfortable with me and find your
 burden has eased. Try me.

	 Written by a pediatric nurse
	 Submitted to Ann Landers
 from A 5th Portion of Chicken Soup for the Soul
 Copyright 1998 by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen

Here is my story about our son Christopher Defiance Bethea

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