September 14 2002

One day, I tell her she is like a daughter to me. The next day, I destroy her boyfriend.

No, I am not a nice person…

I started a group for pagans in my area in Yahoo Groups. I did this so that we could discuss things and maybe have gatherings. And I wanted this to be a mature group of Pagans. When a young, not quite pagan person jumped in and said some things, I took it badly and noted it specifically. I asked him, onlist, to please not be so corny.

Then it all exploded. :(

He was greatly offended by that. His girlfriend was greatly offended by that, and things got ugly.

First week on the list and things got ugly.
Damn.

So, what happens now? I deleted the pathetic emails from the list. Of course, the ones that were emailed out are already out there, but they are no longer listed or archived. I don’t know if that is good or bad, but that is what I did.

I’m petty. I’m childish. And I’m annoyed. I’ve always liked this young man. Why all of a sudden did he bug me so? Maybe because I was looking for some adult conversation, and it went haywire the very first day. Maybe I just should have let it be. I mean, it is the beginning. But I also wanted to make sure that it was known that some things will bother me.

Maybe everyone should leave my list. Or just start a new one and ban me from it. Perhaps now that the idea is there, it will work without me. I don’t know.

What’s done is done. Past is past. I cannot take it away. Perhaps I had been hiding my true feelings so that I would not hurt this dear friend of mine. I’m usually better than that, but then, I’ve always let things run their course, knowing what I know, and just being available when things finally go sour. That has always (almost always) been my policy, since I had lost a friend before over that same type of issue.

Maybe the ages of the people involved made a difference. Not that they would ever listen to me, and since I am a teacher, I should know that these things will just endure longer if they are discouraged. Sheesh. I need to learn from myself and from my past, yet here I am making similar mistakes all over again.

Goddess, Give me strength to be who I need to be as a person and as Your follower.